Eight-Year Side Effects

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Lately I’ve been feeling tired, have a lack of appetite, and am nauseous all the time, but my physician said physically I was fine. Thus the general consensus is that my anti-psychotic medication, clozapine, is causing these side effects. After blood work and everything came out normal, this seems to be what is expected.

I guess this post is about the fact that I’m at the point of taking my anti-psychotic medication that those scary side effects of long term antipsychotic usage (in my case, clozapine) are starting to show up. I remember when I first started taking clozapine, I knew that at some point I would get many of the serious physical side effects, but I thought it wouldn’t happen until my late 40s-early 50s. These include excessive weight gain, type II diabetes, and epilepsy.

Granted, being tired and nauseous all the time is not the worst ailment in the world. However, now it means I wonder how soon I will start running into those scary things mentioned earlier. I guess today was the day I noticed that it appears to be creeping up on me sooner than I expected.

I guess the crazy part is that even if the physician had told me that I would die in a year because of the clozapine, I think I would rather keep taking it. No other antipsychotic works at all. And I remember what happens when I am off my medication. I start communicating with my voices. And every time that happened, the voices told me to isolate myself from others. They make me paranoid of other people, who I thus avoid, and they made the worst small talk. Also, just the thought of being institutionalized frequently also scares the hell out of me. I want a life, I want a family, I want a future and being a psychotic person would not allow me to live a normal life.

So I don’t know what I will do when that dreaded comes, after I have been on clozapine for over twenty years most likely (though just a guess). I’ve already been on it since I was 15, so approximately 8 years. I just don’t. I guess all I can do now is to try to eat healthier and go to the gym every once in a while.

Side Effects Reference:

https://www.drugs.com/sfx/clozapine-side-effects.html


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